So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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