You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
