Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
