you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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