She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
