i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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