can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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