So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
