She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
