You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
