Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
