I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
