Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They took my balls.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
