How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
