I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
