there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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