Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
