She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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