I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize