We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
