Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
