Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
