o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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