dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
