Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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