i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
cat food counts as protein by the way
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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