So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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