WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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