Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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