yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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