I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
