i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
