Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
