She is in my trunk
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
