We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize