i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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