I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
