Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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