just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
