did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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