Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
