the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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