How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
