You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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