I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
