i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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