Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
