someone threw a dead crab at me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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