dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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