Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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