I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
