are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
