She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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