Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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