btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
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There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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