Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
