I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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