thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
