I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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