the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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