I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
