I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
