i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
