Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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