you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
