Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
