If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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