hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
