you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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