Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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