i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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