There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was like eating out sand paper
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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