I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize