we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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