my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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