so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
